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Peaks and Valleys

Since the campaign’s end 12 days ago, I’ve been working diligently on the book every chance I get. Though the bulk of it has already been written, there is a great deal of work to be done. My current phase of work includes reviewing ALL the letters, making sure everything is chronologically ordered, and giving context to some of the subject matter that was originally written with such familiarity.

The first week of my work was actually quite enjoyable – a nice (sometimes turbulent, but ultimately hopeful) trip down memory lane, as I sorted through the letters I wrote between his aneurysm and the pinnacle of his recovery in mid-January. This week, however, has been brutal. This week I’ve walked through the time between letters. The days where the forward momentum of his recovery came to a screeching halt, and began slipping backward – first slowly, then quickly. Tonight, I stopped on page 101 of my Word document because I could no longer see the screen through my tears. He’s back in the hospital again, and the doctor just delivered the grim outlook – the “consider your loved one’s end-of-life wishes” conversation. It’s no easier to read my reaction to that news now than it was to hear it for the first time 2 years ago. The defeat, the loss of hope, the fear of what was to come – it all feels fresh again.

I knew writing this book would bring days like this. I expected it, and I won’t shy away from it. I know our story has serious peaks and valleys, and I’m working in one of the deepest valleys right now. I also know that there are beautiful things to come on the pages that follow. They’re beautiful in much different ways than the beauty on the earliest pages, but they are there nonetheless. So I will keep turning the pages forward, one at a time through peaks and valleys, to bring you “Letters To My Papa.”

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